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Field report for Honey of Luton
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Website: http://www.foxykittens.net/escort-profile.asp?id=9022&z=1&za=108
Telephone: 07986 596 768

Visit date: 2 March, 10pm
The call was an Outcall

Duration: 1 hour
Fees: £ 130

Recommended: No
Would Return: No

Description:
Put it this way; the profile is a joke. Size 14, not 10. Age 42, not 32. Need I go on?
Comments:
One of those gruesome experiences that make you question why you punt. To add insult to injury, this lady is not only utterly useless but actually thinks she's good at her job. Rather than lying back looking bored (which would be bad enough) she delivers an aggressively superficial service that includes reminding you at every turn just how brilliant she thinks she is. Is telling a client that you have 700 regulars a good intro line by way of underlining your skillset? Given her gash is wider than the Mersey Tunnell, it's not hard to believe.

Anyway, started on the sofa with a long conversation. As I didn't fancy her from the off, I was happy enough to let this go. Had it not been an outcall, I'd have walked. Chat centered around the various men who'd battered her in recent years, including her present beau (sic) who'd hospitalized her at the weekend before driving her over to mine tonight. When I suggested that, perhaps, it might be a good idea to leave him this idea appeared not to have occurred to her at all. She actually said, "I've never thought of that".

Eventually moved to the bedroom. She parked her sizeable frame on the edge of the bed with her back tome and made no move at all to get undressed (which was probably a blessing) or in any way moving. After five long minutes of dicking around with her phone (a time-wasting tactic, but I was beyond caring) she removed her jeans. To reveal a pair of granny pants for fuck's sake.

She then told me what I was going to get. Literally read out a service list of what she did and didn't do like she was reading her shopping list. She tried to persuade me that she absolutely loved giving oral which was clearly a thinly-veiled attempt to try to dissuade me from fucking her and she followed this up with multiple mentions of her imminent period, which she didn't want to deposit on the bed. Thanks for that.

On with the cover and a very, very average blow-job before an invitation to return the compliment. I'd guess she hadn't shaved in four or five days and was not, let's say, "fresh" so I aborted that idea pretty much as soon as I'd arrived down below.

I told her that blow jobs weren't really my bag at the point so I wanted to fuck her impending period or not. I started in missionary and within about two minutes (during which I never touched the sides) she remarked, "oh, you're one of those blokes who takes an hour to come." I told her "what a romantic thing to say." I should have said, "only with you." After a bit more pounding away, she told me we were returning to blow jobs before I could fuck her again. Unable to muster any will to resist complying, I let go down on me for another stint of oral.

When this failed to deliver a climax she suggested doggy and got on all fours. Positioned behind her bulbous arse, however, the undeniable whiff of the remnants of a recently freed chocolate hostage began to drift up towards me. Seriously. This was truly horrible. So after about two strokes, I suggested that as I obviously wasn't a quick cummer and time was running out, perhaps if she lay back I could give myself a hand job and bring events to a speedy and successful conclusion.

I wanked away for maybe 30 seconds at which point I realised I wasn't going to come in a month of Sundays and simply gave up. It's only the second time this has happened in more years of punting than I care to remember. To which she had the temerity to respond "you need longer. I'll do you 3 hours for 300 quid next time." Uuuh, right. I debagged, she got dressed and squeezed through the door after offering to bring her mate for a threesome.

What a pointless, miserable, experience. If any dogs are reading this, given your breed's proclivity for sniffing arses you may enjoy booking Holly. Humans would be well advised to avoid her. She also works for Supreme Escorts in the same area as Honey.

You have been warned.
This review cannot be guaranteed as 100% accurate in timings or verify any true identity and therefore may not be used for any legal account of any event actually taking place. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Report posted on 11:04 AM, 16-03-2017 by Warsaw
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